On writing, and the choice I never made

I was a storyteller long before I understood the power inherent in pulling words together to create a world, to manipulate characters, to bring plots and arcs and drama to life on pages. I have been writing since the concept was introduced to me in the first grade by my teacher Mrs. Valerie Frederick, and for better or worse, she encouraged my fumbling six-year-old attempts. I can’t remember now what I wrote about — I shudder to think of the Herculean task that woman took on reading what must have been the barely coherent ramblings of her students— but she awoke my Muse with a vengeance that has yet to be satisfied more than two decades later.

(An aside, and a lesson to all you teachers out there, wondering if you’re making a difference: As a Navy brat, I attended eight different schools from Kindergarten through high school graduation, so for me to remember the full name of my first-grade teacher is no small thing. If I ever manage to come across Mrs. Frederick, who I can picture in my mind with startling clarity (she was a teacher at Birdneck Elementary School, Virginia Beach, VA, in the early ’90s) I plan to thank her for helping to plant the seeds of what became an enduring love of my life.)

But back to my Muse, who gripped me at age six, before I even knew what a Muse was, much less what to do with her. She has always been a presence in my mind, urging me to revel in words and the joys they can bring. Even when I’m not writing myself, I’m enjoying the creations others have woven, and the things I enjoy the most now are the things I’ve enjoyed my entire life: books, music, movies, plays; the worlds others pull from nothingness and bring to life are the worlds I want to be a part of, and the feelings they invoke are the feelings I want to share. But beyond that, I want to grasp at my own universes, invoke my own feelings and throw them out there for other people to experience. That’s what being a writer is for me.

This is who I am, and who I’ve always been. I just didn’t always understand that it wasn’t a choice I was making. Back when I wanted to be a marine biologist, or an environmental lawyer. When I was suffering through biology labs in college (honestly, a vegetarian trying to dissect a sheep’s eye is worth a story all its own; do you have any idea how bouncy — but I digress) or finally coming to my senses and settling on Philosophy and Classical Civilizations as the wholly impractical but completely enthralling double major I would eventually graduate with. Still, it took careers in marketing, graphic design, and editing before I finally smacked myself mentally and gave myself permission to say out loud that I wanted to start being a writer — the thing I’ve always been anyway, whether I meant to be or not.

Because whether I was six and writing about my cat (Tigger; he was a good cat) sixteen and writing angst-filled poetry (you did it, too, don’t pretend you didn’t), or just chasing sheep eyes around a college biology lab (seriously, you haven’t lived until you’ve — but I digress again), my Muse has always been on my shoulder, looking around, taking notes, waiting for me to get done with my so-called “choices,” so we can get down to what we’ve both really known all along. I’m sure she’s quite relieved that I’ve finally started listening.

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“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” —Ernest Hemingway
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